12th january 2012 - three months on testosterone! an update on the journey of my mind.

i haven’t made an update in a long time and these past weeks have been stressful as hell. but i’m glad i now found some time to rest and think about how i’ve been doing in my transition so far.
first of all, i am so glad for all the changes my mind seems to have been going through. at first i was worried about how easily i got irritable the first two months. it’s been driving me nuts, so these moods slowly going away has been taking me in good spirits again. i’ve missed this cheerfulness and now i appreciate it with all my being!

also, another reason why i’ve hated being so angry nearly all the time was the anger that i pointed at myself for it. it made me feel so self-conscious and vulnerable to the world. i feel the strongest and biggest self-esteem when i am calm and focused, not irritated like i constantly get when being aggressive. having these negative thoughts also somehow made me feel like i constantly have to prove being trans. now after watching many great videos and my mind being on the right track again i know that i don’t need society’s permission to do what i choose to do and that i don’t need any validation to be what i want to be. sometimes i just need a little reminder that it’s me who i’m doing this for, not everybody else.

my altered state of mind also has a huge impact on my health and how i feel about my body. i’ve been having a bad cold but i don’t think it’s had any negative roots; quite the contrary i think it’s just been a result of my body and mind both shaking off all the negativeness that had dwelled in me for so long. now i feel healthy, sane, alive and kicking! what a great state to be in, eh?

you guys don’t know how much i appreciate every kind message and support, understanding and good vibes you send me. thank you all for it! :]