documenting the journey to myself

i don’t come across my old name very often because it is not so common. but right now i read...

thinkinfinite — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 07:52:25 +0200

i don’t come across my old name very often because it is not so common. but right now i read it somewhere and it didn’t feel familiar anymore reading it. i had to read it twice to realize i once identified with it. that was such a surprise. and how crazy it is that permanent things like that can drastically change and fade. i take this as an accomplishment. i am here. i am new.

superkomisches update-video in schlechter qualität zu 19 monaten...

thinkinfinite — Sat, 11 May 2013 16:50:00 +0200

superkomisches update-video in schlechter qualität zu 19 monaten testo + 2 monate post op. :-)

mein video zur trans*tagung in gießen uuund ein update eine...

thinkinfinite — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:21:00 +0100

mein video zur trans*tagung in gießen uuund ein update eine woche nach der korrektur-op! :)

sorry, dass die video- und audiospur so absolut gar nicht parallel verlaufen :/

did you get the keyhole surgery?

thinkinfinite — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 23:32:28 +0100

correct! and what a coincidence that you message me about this today, tomorrow i’ll have my second appointment for top-surgery. it’s for correction purposes. the tissue that’s left will be removed and the nipplez will be made smaller. yeehhhh

cross your fingers y’all

cauda-pavonis: This legit makes me want to cry because I have...

thinkinfinite — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 20:50:06 +0100

cauda-pavonis:

This legit makes me want to cry because I have *never* seen a picture of an older trans man naked. It’s always young guys, usually much younger than me. It’s like we don’t have a future, an adulthood, a middle age, an old age. It’s like we just stop.

As a trans man who’s well past the age (and transition status) of ~sexxay tranz boiz~, pictures like this give me some kind of hope. We’re not just one image stuck in time, snapshot of a skinny white andro urban-queer young trans dude with perfect top surgery scars, poster boys for young radical queerdom. We’re not all Youth. We live in more than two dimensions, and one of them is time.

Older queers tend to fall off the map full stop. Trans people, even more so. But we don’t disappear once we stop being, basically, fashionable. Supporting our young people is important, but we need to show them we have a future, too.

I literally cannot envision my own future. There are no images of older men like me.

One image obviously can’t address all the lacks in representation, much less one image of a hot skinny (apparently?) white man. But just to have that one extra factor in there, of age, it’s - it’s important.

More, please.

"To put it simply, I AM TIRED OF TRYING TO EXPLAIN THIS SHIT TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT...."

thinkinfinite — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 06:29:29 +0100

“

To put it simply, I AM TIRED OF TRYING TO EXPLAIN THIS SHIT TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. Especially “jokes” like MacFarlane’s, which, to the layperson’s ear, barely register above microaggressions (if the kind of people who see no problem whatsoever with “We Saw Your Boobs” were the kind of people who used the term “microaggressions”). I am tired of trying to have an intellectual discussion about dog-whistle sexism in a culture where prominent politicians are still trying to grasp what rape is, and in a world where little girls are shot in the head because they want to go to school. Asking people to think critically about some hacky jokes from a dancing cartoonist? You might as well wear a sandwich board that says, “Yell at Me With Bad Grammar.”

I am tired of being called a shrieking harridan for pointing out inequalities so tangible and blatant that they are regularly codified into law. I am tired of being told to provide documentation of inequality in the comments sections of a website where a staff of smart women documents inequality as fast as our fingers can move. Like, you might as well write me a note on a banana peel demanding that I prove to you that bananas exist. I am tired of being asked to “cite sources” proving that sexism is real (that RAPE is real, even!), because there is no way to concisely cite decades and decades of rigorous academia. Allow me to point at the fucking library. We can’t cite “everything,” and our challengers know that. It’s an insulting diversionary tactic, it’s an attempt to drag us all backwards, and fuck it. Do your own research like the rest of the grown-ups.

”

- Lindy West, “Sexism Fatigue: When Seth MacFarlane Is a Complete Ass and You Don’t Even Notice” on Jezebel.

PREACH!

(via cognitivedissonance)

"And gender is just one of the ways We’re boxed in and labeled before we’re ever able To speak who..."

thinkinfinite — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:01:55 +0100

“And gender is just one of the ways
We’re boxed in and labeled before we’re ever able
To speak who we believe we are
Or who we dream we’ll become.”

- Andrea Gibson (via kadenmonster)

Can I marry you? Your like so attractive and equally brave...

thinkinfinite — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 18:24:16 +0100

yehhh i’m not ready to marry but we sure can cuddle so come here! i’d like to see your face though 8D

english update: 16 months on t + about 6 months post-op :)

thinkinfinite — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 16:39:00 +0100

english update: 16 months on t + about 6 months post-op

saddeer: this is the most fabulous thing i’ve ever seen i love...

thinkinfinite — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 14:57:59 +0100

saddeer:

this is the most fabulous thing i’ve ever seen i love this guy

this is awesome

home again for the weekeeend….nekkid kid.

thinkinfinite — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 12:51:48 +0100

home again for the weekeeend….nekkid kid.

"Not queer like gay. queer like, escaping definition. Queer like some sort of fluidity and..."

thinkinfinite — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 15:29:40 +0100

“Not queer like gay. queer like, escaping definition. Queer like some sort of fluidity and limitlessness at once. Queer like a freedom too strange to be conquered. Queer like the fearlessness to imagine what love can look like… and pursue it.”

- Brandon Wint (via etiquette-etc)

"Queerness, to me, is about far more than homosexual attraction. It’s about a willingness to see all..."

thinkinfinite — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 16:16:12 +0100

“Queerness, to me, is about far more than homosexual attraction. It’s about a willingness to see all other taboos broken down. Sure, many of us start on this path when we first feel “same sex” or “same gender” attraction (though what is sex? And what is gender? And does anyone really have the same sex or gender as anyone else?). But queerness doesn’t stop there.
This is a somewhat controversial stance, but to me queer means something completely different than “gay” or “lesbian” or “bisexual.” A queer person is usually someone who has come to a non-binary view of gender, who recognizes the validity of all trans identities, and who, given this understanding of infinite gender possibilities, finds it hard to define their sexuality any longer in a gender-based way. Queer people understand and support non-monogamy even if they do not engage in it themselves. They can grok being asexual or aromantic. (What does sex have to do with love, or love with sex, necessarily?) A queer can view promiscuous (protected) public bathhouse sex with strangers and complete abstinence as equally healthy.
Queers understand that people have different relationships to their bodies. We get what it means to be stone. We know what body dysphoria is about. We understand that not everyone likes to get touched the same way or to get touched at all. We realize that people with disabilities may have different sexual needs, and that people with survivor histories often have sexual triggers. We can negotiate safe and creative ways to be intimate with people with HIV/AIDs and other STIs.
Queers understand the range of power and sensation and the diversity of sexual dynamics. We are tops and bottoms, doms and subs, sadists and masochists and sadomasochists, versatiles and switches. We know what we like and don’t like in bed.
We embrace a wide range of relationship types. We can be partners, lovers, friends with benefits, platonic sweethearts, chosen family. We can have very different dynamics with different people, often all at once. We don’t expect one person to be able to fulfill all our diverse needs, fantasies and ideals indefinitely.
Because our views on relationships, sex, gender, love, bodies, and family are so unconventional, we are of necessity anti-assimilationist. Because under the kyriarchy we suffer, and watch the people we love suffering, we are political. Because we want to survive, we fight. We only want the freedom to be ourselves, love ourselves, love each other, and live together. Because we are routinely denied that, we are pissed.
Queer doesn’t mean “don’t label me,” it means “I am naming myself.” It means “ask me more questions if you’re curious” and in the same breath means “fuck off.””

- What Queerness Means To Me « Tranarchism (via docasaur)

what is said about gender is soooo much why i id as queer. but i love it all.

(via strugglingtobeheard)

Crunk Feminist Collective, hellz yes.

(via kaleicious)

this is just utter perfection. ugh. so good.

(via werewolfqueen)

I totally just quoted this on my FetLife profile.

(via beautifullydeviant)

this really is PERFECT.

i am finding so much comfort in identifying as queer. it amazes me so much how i suddenly feel so...

thinkinfinite — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 16:26:50 +0100

i am finding so much comfort in identifying as queer. it amazes me so much how i suddenly feel so free about doing what i want, loving who i want, seeing myself how i want. i am the most myself i’ve ever been.

this is liberating.

yessss

thinkinfinite — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:14:14 +0100

yessss

"I want to shout to every newspaper covering trans people: Nobody is born with a name. We are all..."

thinkinfinite — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 19:53:28 +0100

“I want to shout to every newspaper covering trans people: Nobody is born with a name. We are all GIVEN names. If we reject the name initially given to us, respect that.”

- (via amydentata)

Photo

thinkinfinite — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 09:31:01 +0100

obliviate: a trigger

thinkinfinite — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 19:05:59 +0100

obliviate: a trigger:

myjourneytojay:

bipch:

gives you flashbacks of traumatic events

sends you into an agonizing panic attack

makes your heart skip beats from sheer terror

it does not

mildly offend you

make you feel uncomfortable

gross you out

make you angry

are we fucking done here

…

becauseiamawoman: feminishblog: It takes but a second to replace women’s health with sexual or...

thinkinfinite — Wed, 26 Dec 2012 17:49:56 +0100

becauseiamawoman:

feminishblog:

It takes but a second to replace women’s health with sexual or reproductive health. It’s really that easy… and then you aren’t erasing our trans sisters.

Yes, yes, yes.

this seriously happened. :D i started using minoxidil about five...

thinkinfinite — Sun, 23 Dec 2012 16:02:00 +0100

this seriously happened. :D

i started using minoxidil about five weeks ago, which is something similar to regaine (or even the same? correct me if i talk shit and you know better). it works wonders for me.

of course, black is not the natural colour of my beard since my hair’s brown. but i used the mascara-technique once again today and was blown away by how fast i have grown so much more facial hair. i went downstairs to show my parents and they called me Mustafa which was kinda funny. now i plan on letting it grow out a bit more and then dying it a bit darker. i am so excited for all of this facial hair, it’s crazy.

also, i can’t wait for all the thin hair to get thicker and the gaps to fill in. i’ll be a classy suave beardyman and it will be awesome.